Chemo days at the hospital are rough. They are physically exhausting for Ellie, and mentally and emotionally exhausting for me. Actually, every day is exhausting for Mike and I. Ellie has been sleeping through the night, but we are both still exhausted. The mental and emotional tiredness is definitely taking it's toll. This is not unexpected. We are only three weeks in to this very long process. I'm just letting you know where we are at right now. We are sleeping, but we are tired.
When we first came home from the hospital, it oddly felt like nothing had happened. But really, this massive, life changing event happened during those twelve days. While coming home was wonderful, and obviously the best thing for Ellie and our family, it immediately gave the false sense that everything was ok. Sure, we knew that cancer was still there, but we were able to settle into a new, quarantined normal.
And then Ellie went back on Wednesday for her next chemo treatment.
That really threw me for a loop. I was in a funk all day Thursday and Friday. Mike says that a better term is melancholy. I wasn't crying, I wasn't in a bad mood, but I did feel kind of numb to everything around me. I don't say all of this for sympathy, but rather to honestly document how it is affecting our family. And to be honest, Ellie mostly acted the same way I did those two days. I am grateful that I recognized this so early on in her treatment, because now I can be proactive about my attitude after those draining chemo days.
How are Mike and I doing? Overall, I think we are handling everything pretty well. We have our good and bad days, but those happen regardless. We have made a pact with one another that if either of us are invited out somewhere, we are allowed to go. (To be honest, this has always been our unspoken pact. Now, we have just verbalized it and are more intentional about it.) We know that this is going to be a long two and a half years, and anything to help take our minds off of the leukemia is welcome.
How are Eva and Nora doing? Again, I honestly think that both of them are handling it all extremely well. There are times where we need more patience than a 7 and 4 year old can give, and those moments can be difficult. As long as we take the time to explain all of the changes to them, then they seem to be able to adjust easily.
Please continue to pray for Ellie's complete and permanent healing.
Pray that Ellie starts eating more and gains weight. Pray that she builds strength to walk.
Pray for patience for Mike and myself..
Pray for patience for Eva, Nora and Ellie.
Pray for strength for all of us...physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially.