In the interest of more consistent updates, here it is: we are back at the hospital unexpectedly. Ellie has a very high fever that spiked quickly. We will update as we have answers. In the meantime, check out Ellie’s adorable new hairdo that was cut this morning.

We are crawling here, folks.

Five months left and we are crawling to the finish line.

These 26 months are our marathon, and we've hit a wall at month 21.

It's so hard for me to write. The whole process is filled with extreme highs and lows. Our news is either really exciting, due to some amazing experience we've had as the result of being a part of the pediatric cancer family, or it is really depressing and repetitious. One sounds like we are bragging and the other is just sad. How many times do people want to hear that Ellie isn't doing well? I mean, she's almost at the end, she should be getting better, right?

Not necessarily.

The only way most of you know what is going on is if I write it. By not sharing, I'm not educating about what cancer is really like for a family. Even the "good" cancer. Puke. There is no good cancer. I'm tired of pretending that just because Ellie will get through this doesn't mean that it is still hard. That is why I am writing now. Cancer treatment still controls our family and it's just as unpleasant as it was a year ago.

Ellie's body is struggling. For the first time in over a year she is on a chemo hold. Her platelets are low and the doctors won't let her continue with treatment until she rebounds. On one hand this is great news because she went a whole year in Maintenance without a hold. But on the other, it's extremely frustrating because she is so close to the end and is now having complications.

She is losing her hair again. She's not bald, but it's thin enough that we need to cut it. For all intensive purposes she will be starting over. Within the past month, Ellie has had a cold, two different strands of the flu and a respiratory infection. We were in the ER just before Christmas due to the flu, back again at the New Year and again yesterday afternoon. Three ER visits in exactly four weeks. Ellie's visit yesterday happened about two hours after we came home from her regularly scheduled treatment in the morning.

This is not going to let up until she is finished. On top of the grueling year that 2016 was for Ellie, in 2017 she received chemotherapy for 365 days. Ellie gets treatment every single day, and her body is absolutely worn out. Steroid weeks, the weeks where she goes to the hospital for extra chemo and then starts a steroid pulse, we just survive those. Nothing productive happens for anyone and life basically stops to tend to Ellie.

Ellie's wish, granted by the Make-A-Wish organization, was to see animals at the San Diego Zoo. It was supposed to happen in March, but we made the decision yesterday to postpone it until her treatment is over. It is absolutely the best decision, but it is still disappointing.

While most people have been amazing to Ellie and our family, we have been hurt by some. It's hard to not receive grace when you desperately need it most. Especially when the lack of grace and love is coming from Christians. Many months later we still have a lot of hurt feelings. The pain is still raw and the situation hard to grasp. The opposite of love is not hate, it's apathy, and we experienced that firsthand.

These are the lowest lows and we are in another low right now. To balance these out though, there are highs. In 2017...
- we took a family vacation to Orlando
- we spent time with family in North Carolina
- we met Hope at the Clearwater Marine Aquarium, complete with a behind the scenes tour
- we participated in the Children's Cancer Center Gelatin Plunge
- we visited Quantum Leap farms several times with 1Voice Foundation
- Ellie participated in a photo shoot for the CCC and Panera Bread's Scholarship Foundation
- we celebrated Eva's 9th, Nora's 6th and Ellie's 4th birthdays
- we went on a family cruise together and swam with stingrays
- we celebrated Thanksgiving in North Carolina
- we rode the Zamboni at a Lightning game

So yes, good, fun things have happened. But not without a price. The stress is debilitating at times. We are all exhausted. It's evident that all five of us just want this horrible ordeal to be over.

June 9, 2018...we are crawling to meet you.

Hello 2018! First Half

2018 has finally arrived.

Thank you Jesus!

When Ellie was diagnosed in April 2016, this new year seemed so far off. Going through these past 20 months of treatment, we felt every step of the marathon that we were living. Of course we knew in our minds that we would eventually get to this point, but at times it seemed like it would never arrive. But it has and we couldn't be more thrilled. We can now say that Ellie will be finished with treatment THIS YEAR!

With 2017 behind us, I will catch you all up on what has been going on in our lives and specifically how Ellie has been doing. I have been finding it increasingly difficult to blog because it's either depressing and sad, or it is exciting and showy. Both emotions feel too extreme to convey, so my hope is that by including it all together in one post you will get a better representation of what our year truly encompassed. Like each of you reading this, we had good days and bad days. It just feels so much more exaggerated this year. The bad days were awful and the good days were so great, we almost could forget about Ellie's cancer treatment. 

So, here we go. This was our 2017.

January

After not spending very much time together out as a family in 2016, we gently eased into the new year unsure of what Ellie would be capable of doing.

Ellie began Maintenance in December and continued with that treatment protocol throughout the entire year.

February

Little things like playing outside showed us that Ellie was regaining her strength.

We attended our first of several Lightning games and quickly became huge fans. 

We visited the circus, but Ellie refused to have her picture taken and quickly fell asleep once the show began. 

We visited Legoland with the Sunshine Kids Foundation, and it was easily one of the best days of the entire year. We will always look back at that day as a turning point in Ellie's treatment. After an extremely difficult year for Ellie, that day at Legoland showed us that normalcy would be returning to our family.

Outings are always scheduled around Ellie's treatments. After all of this fun, it was time for Ellie to go back to the hospital. Not to worry, there were cookies to decorate that day!

We threw potty training in at the end of the month. No more diapers! Then, Ellie got the flu and managed to keep it for three months. This led to three unexpected ER visits in the Spring. You get Tamiflu! You get Tamiflu! Everyone gets Tamiflu!

The iPad went everywhere with Ellie. Here, she is waiting at the pulmonologist.

March

The first of the unexpected ER visits.

Ellie requires breathing treatments almost daily, some more aggressive than others.

Back at the hospital for scheduled chemo, This visit included a lumbar puncture. 

Due to the success we had with Legoland, in March we decided to surprise the girls with a vacation to Orlando. It's hard for me to describe how much that week healed our family. It was perfect. 

April

More scheduled chemo!

Another fever which led to another ER visit.

Ellie began feeling better and decided it was time to start practicing for dance class in the fall.

May

Another unexpected ER visit.

A close up of Ellie's eyelashes growing back in.

Scheduled hospital visit. 

Ellie: "I like you. I want to be with you."

June

We were thrilled to escape to North Carolina with family for a week, even if it did end with an ER visit.

Ellie is excellent about taking her various chemo drugs and other medications.

We finally bit the bullet and took her out of her crib. 

Scheduled treatment with a lumbar puncture.

Gelatin Plunge!