If I may, let me pause for a moment. There have been so many instances during Ellie's treatment, and certainly during this week, where she has had major, crazy stuff happen to her. (That's the technical phrasing.) But in the moment, in never seems that way. Then, I reread what I have posted, or relay to someone else what a doctor said. It's then that I realize how utterly unreal this entire experience is.
"Ellie is having an allergic reaction to the platelets she's getting. She's having difficulty breathing."
"Ellie is bleeding out from her port and her side is covered in blood."
"Ellie's number are not going up. She needs platelets and blood, yet again."
Any one of these on their own are a risky and scary situation, and Ellie had all of these happen on Tuesday! Cancer is not normal. None of this is normal. Miraculously, as we have gone through this process we have never felt too overwhelmed with Ellie's treatment. While all of this has become our new normal, Mike and I have never lost sight of how extreme all of this truly is.
All of this to say, we may have become desensitized to the severity of every decision along the way. We may talk nonchalantly about lumbar punctures, blood transfusions and chemotherapy, but we still realize that this is not a normal experience that Ellie is living right now. Within the bubble of pediatric cancer? Yup, totally normal. Outside of that bubble? Real life? This is a crazy, unbelievable experience.
I don't know if I was able to convey that properly. So, thank you for indulging me.
Now, back to the blood. In that moment, we were pretty calm. We already knew that Ellie's platelets were low, and they were likely still low, even after the transfusion because she was not clotting properly. The spot where Ellie had been accessed earlier in the day must have clotted at some point because she was not bleeding when she went to bed. Somehow it became dislodged, and that's when the slow bleeding began. We immediately called the NP on call, and she suggested putting pressure on it to see if it would clot. After about 15 minutes of doing that, we realized that while the flow was slowing down, it was not clotting. We already knew that she was neutropenic, so that combined with the low platelet count, labored breathing, low grade fever, pale coloring and general irritability, we made the decision to take her to the hospital that night.
|I snapped this picture of her just before we left.|
The blood had already been cleaned up.
Mike stayed at home with Eva and Nora, and Ellie and I arrived at the hospital around 11:15 pm. She was immediately admitted to the floor and our long day turned into a long night. Ellie was immediately given an antibiotic in case there was an infection, and then ordered to get a chest x-ray.
|This all went down at 1:20 am.|
|In case you are wondering, that pillow says "World's Best Mom".|
The girls gave it to me for Mother's Day this year.
Ellie quickly commandeered it as her own and now sleeps with it every night.
Wednesday was spent mostly in bed, often with Ellie sitting on my lap. She was able to do some painting, but mostly just wanted to watch Daniel Tiger.
|This has been my view a lot recently.|
The excessive bleeding (from her gums and her port) have stopped. But, she is continuing to bruise on her body and has developed petechaie, small dots caused caused by bleeding into the skin.
We moved into a room on the oncology floor of the Children's Hospital, and Ellie received a blood transfusion later that day. She had also been showing sign of severe abdominal discomfort, so an ultrasound was ordered to rule out anything severe. Unfortunately, that happened at 10:30 pm that night.
|The ultrasound was a miserable experience for both of us.|
The results ended up showing nothing. My initial suspicion was constipation. These past two days have proven that suspicion to be correct. She has received lactulose to help with her constipation, and slowly she has become less irritable when using her diaper.
This is an abrupt way to end this post, but Ellie is nearing the end of her nap, so this is all I am able to write for now. I will try to update again later this evening. As a heads up, Ellie will continue to be in the hospital for several more days.
Please continue to pray for Ellie's complete and permanent healing.
Please pray specifically that Ellie's body begins to accept the platelets and recovers enough to make her own.